A Heavenly Party

Just two weeks after losing Aunt Pat, Taylor's long-time Physical Therapist, Miss Karen passed away. Miss Karen was in her mid-forties, has three gorgeous children, and was gone far too soon for my understanding. Miss Karen was also the woman who truly taught Taylor how to crawl, walk, climb a step, then two or three, and how to run. We saw Miss Karen at Cornerstone Therapy every week, even a couple times a week in the beginning. It is with great sadness I write this entry because I often forget how difficult is was to get Taylor to go from Point A to Point B. I froget because Miss Karen always made it seem like it was the highlight of her week to spend time with Taylor teaching her the basics of navigating each step of life...literally...

The day we found out about Karen and the moment I told Taylor, she once again made sense out of nonsense. She said in her profound six-year old voice, "Well, Mom, at least Aunt Pat and Miss Karen will get to meet each other in heaven." Now, I may not have the words exactly right, but the statement is just right. Taylor knows that in heaven it doesn't matter who you know. Just knowing Jesus will get you to meet millions of others instantly. There are no boundaries of any kind, pure joy and pure perfection! I was completely caught off guard by the pure innocence and pure understanding of heaven from Taylor's perspective.

I also think now of how many people we will get to meet for the first time in heaven. We get to meet our Maker. We get to meet the saints who have gone before us, those we've personally known, gotten to know through the Bible, read about in books, and those we're longing to see again. Oh, how I long for that day...in God's perfect timing.

Pray Without Ceasing

"We do not know what we outght to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26

While it's been so many months since a posting, so many wonderful and not-so-wonderful things have happened. I'm really going to try to get back into the swing of things here.

One of our major life changes was losing a dear aunt in October. The morning I got the phone call that Aunt Pat was not going to make it more than a couple of hours, I told the girls why I would be leaving for the day. Immediately, Taylor got out of her bed and on her knees to pray. I have not seen nor have I heard her pray with such fervor as I did that morning. Lauren and I joined her as we prayed for God's mercy to heal Aunt Pat at that moment. Really, I wept. I really had no words to utter...just tears.

God's healing took a different turn as He healed her forever from all sickness and brought her home to heaven that day.

I marveled at Taylor's first reaction and her understanding under the circumstances. I also marvel at how passionately we get to talk with our God. I marvel at how sincere a six-year-old can be when she prays and how I learn from her each day.

Super Boosted

Do you remember being at the roller rink as a kid, holding hands with someone, and having them "Super Boost" you forward? We did just that for our older daughter, Lauren's 8th birthday in May. The other day, I was thinking about how much fun it was to watch Lauren and her friends slingshotting each other through the rink. They would hold on to each other's hands, then gain speed, and whip each other fast forward! There is always that slight fear when they first let go, that slight wobble, then, "Phew!" when I know they're A-OK and fully balanced again. I was having just as much fun watching my adult brothers and sisters Power Boost each other along the rink like we did two decades ago! I was helping Taylor along the outside of the rink watching everyone whizz by us that party day, totally content where we were. The other day I was also thinking about those Super Boosts.

I thought to myself, "God really is my Super Booster." He has me hold on tight for a while to get the momentum building, to make sure I've got that firm grasp I need on Him. Then, when He knows I'm ready, He Super Boosts me to the next level of life. I get my bearings again as I move through a little fear of this new unknown. Then, He just kind of watches me along the edge until I'm growing a little too content, grabs my hand making sure I'm holding on tight again. Then...Whammo! I'm propelled forward again. I think that's just how it is when we get to walk with God. He knows when to coast with us, when to grab our hand to build the momentum, and when to slingshot us forward.

I don't think we'd enjoy life as much as we could just coasting along the outside of the rink. I don't think we'd enjoy life as much as we could just holding on for dear life gaining momentum without the thrust forward. I think we get to enjoy life at its fullest understanding God is right there taking us through each step and each season of life while giving us just what we need to be thrusted forward. Are you ready to be Super Boosted?

Sink or Swim

"Run in such a way as to get the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:24

Taylor has been taking swimming lessons for about three years now. This past year we had her in lessons year round. The payoffs have been tremendous! I can now sit at the edge of the pool with friends rather than jump in each time the "socializing" begins. (OK, so that's the real reason most moms have their kids in swimming lessons, isn't it???) Anyway, all kidding aside, it has been one of the most rewarding things to watch her accomplish. She can actually put together the "big arms," "face in," and "big kickers" all at once! She may not be the next Dara Torres, but she certainly deserves a gold medal in my book.

Many times I've watched as Taylor has truly gone in circles or left to right rather than straight forward like anyone who can see does. She has to work twice as hard to go from Point A to Point B every time. She has no idea how much harder she's working than anyone else. Aren't we like that so often? Sometimes, we put it all together and go straight from Point A to Point B. Other times, it takes us twice as long, and we may get extra tired, but we still get there! We have to give ourselves grace to go the distance and trust that we'll get there with God's guidance. Taylor does have someone with her at all times. (I don't take my eyes off her even when I'm out of the pool, and I'd jump in a heartbeat if I had to!) We have someone too...He's directing us and getting us there if we let Him.

Membership's Privileges Continued

The privileges we've received with Taylor are terrific. Now imagine the privileges of knowing the God of the Universe! Imagine that the owner of everything...truly everything...wants to give it all to you! Everything Good and Great! God says it's ours when we belong to Him. Of course, with everything comes responsibilities, but let's dwell for a second on the gifts we receive from the Ultimate Giver. We get mercy, grace, Love...perfect Love, forgiveness forever, eternity with Him, relationships, successes, wisdom, perfect joy, perseverance, humility, patience, goodness, kindness, endurance. OK, that's just a 2-second list. Imagine the 2-mile list, the eternal list. God has given us benefits to membership in His family. I'd never be able to explain all these benefits, and they can be recognized every moment of every day if we are willing.

Membership Has Its Privileges

Though we are members of a club most do not voluntarily sign up for, I cannot tell you just how many times we've been shown favor truly because of Taylor's disability. It is hard to ignore her cane and the sympathy one has for a child with a disability. It is harder to ignore her personality. This is her God-given ability, at just six years old, to connect with people...all people!

The latest instance came March 29th. Taylor wanted that dolphin party, so the family headed to San Diego for the day. Taylor was so excited to get there, and she mentioned she really wanted to meet the dolphins...or the trainers. So off to the Shamu Show we went. After explaining to Taylor the extent of the show, we waited for most of the groups to exit. It is always much easier to wait a bit before tromping through the crowd, lest we be trampled. (We move MUCH slower than most people much of the time.) Just as we were heading for the exit, I noticed a trainer talking with a group of people. Tay and I headed down to wait for a chance to meet Vicki soon to be joined by Lauren. Not only did we get to meet her, Taylor had a few questions for her regarding Shamu, his personality, and his behaviors.

As Taylor, Lauren, and I were heading back up the bleachers to meet back with Mike, Vicki gives me the sign to come on over to the "Trainers Only" gate. I realized quickly we were gearing up for something spectacular! I emphatically called to Mike, and all of us entered the gate. We were feet away from the tank behind the show which held six orcas. Not one, two, three...six...and they were right before our eyes! Our eyes met theirs. It was truly surreal! We got to pet them, and Taylor got to feed them. It was absolutely remarkable and breath-taking to feel these magnificent creatures.

Now, I am sure, had we been a "regular" family, we wouldn't have gotten such a gift. I also realize how uncomfortable I used to be with such blessings because of Taylor. I now realize this is how she gets to experience a glimpse of what we see every moment of every day. Because she is disabled, we do receive special favor at times. No longer do I get uncomfortable or embarrassed or feel the need to explain why we got the special attention. I realize this is the only way Taylor can even come close to understanding what we get to see each day. I thank God for my sight, for being able to see these blessed moments when others shine their compassion on my daughter. I am grateful I get to see their tenderness and the tenderness Taylor instills in them.

Happy 6th Birthday, Taylor!

Last night, we enjoyed dinner with my in-laws. As we talked about my father-in-law's recovery from a stroke suffered about 3 1/2 months ago, it dawned on me that today would be Taylor's 6th birthday. Now, don't get me wrong. I've known we'd be celebrating her birthday today with cupcakes and ice-cream and tomorrow at Sea World (per Tay's "Dolphin Party" request), but the days leading up to Taylor's birthday have always been a little awkward. I celebrate our little girl's precious arrival day, and I also grieve the life I thought we'd have together. The day Taylor was born six years ago, we had a new beginning, literally. We put aside many of the dreams conjured up during pregnancy and knew they were no longer reality. That has been why I've had such a tough time each year with this particular day.

I realized last night, at Bev's kitchen sink, that I was filled with awe and joy over this life with Taylor. I am constantly in awe of her. I am constantly in awe of Lauren. I am constantly in awe of Mike and our growth together. I had no idea where we were headed six years ago, and literally couldn't move past the moment. Today I can't believe how far we've all come. I am so grateful for where we've come and look forward to where we're heading. Our dreams may be different than what I had imagined, but they are far greater and greater appreciated than what I had imagined as well!