I have just finished reading a book called, Desiring God, by John Piper. It's pretty intense and definitely causes some major introspection. One of the major points I took away from the book and that caused me to go back to Taylor's birthday and all that's happened since that day was the "Wide-Angle Lens." Piper described it like this. Often times when a tragedy or life-changing circumstance comes our way, we are so focused on the negative implications of it that we view the scence from a narrow-lens perspective. (And from my own experience, that's all I was capable of.) God, on the other hand, sees everything from His wide-angled lens. He knows all that came before and all that is coming because of this tragedy.
When I look back on our earliest days and months...really years...with Taylor, it was all I could do some mornings to get up and face the day. Now, I can look back and see God's hand on us and look forward to an incredibly bright future while Taylor still lives in physical darkness. I can see people we've met, challenges we've triumphantly overcome, victories that are so much sweeter because the hurdles seemed insurmountable at the time, lessons I've learned only because of these circumstances, and a strength in my girls they've had to draw on from God Himself. Not always understanding the Why, but learning to see things from a bigger perspective has given each step a little more spring all the time. Thank you for a Wider-angled lens, Lord!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Outward Appearances
"The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:6-8
I realize this verse is talking about our own hearts and what they are like, but I am reminded of others too when I think of this verse. I realize so often that people look just fine on the outside, but we rarely know what hurts or celebrations they're having because we don't often take the time to really find out. It reminds me of a funny (well, now it's funny...at the time a little shocking and embarrassing!) story that happened a couple of years ago. (Taylor reminded me of this story when we were at John's last week. She loves to recall it and the absolute shock she produced for all parties involved!)
We were at John Kennedy's getting a pair of Taylor's eyes made...back in the days that we could get a new set in one full day. Taylor and I would have to pass the hours of time it would take for John to complete the eyes, so we had fun shopping, eating, having coffee...you know all the girlie things Moms and Daughters love to do together. There was just one problem. Taylor didn't have her prosthetic eyes in, so we would keep sunglasses on her at all times. From the outside, no one would really know what was going on behind the glasses. It honestly was a great coverup.
I was in the midst of ordering our Starbuck's concoctions with the very sweet, young, jovial gal when I hear Taylor say, "Can I show you something?" The woman's reply was cut short, and her smile turned to full-blown open mouth silence. I didn't even have to look down to see what was going on. I knew Taylor had taken off her sunglasses to show this lady what her open eye sockets looked like. I can't say I've been around too many people (OK, ANYone) who's had the same experience. I felt so awkward, embarrassed, shocked, and then nearly hysterical in laughter within a matter of seconds. It totally hit me that only Taylor could pull something like this off without missing a beat. She was truly proud of herself.
I wish I could say I recovered quickly or that the young woman recovered at all. I often wonder how she retold that story to people over time. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall in her house that night!
What I thought though was that we never know what's behind the outward appearance...and oh, how often I judge by the outside looks, smiles, clothes, everything! I also got to thinking about my coverups. What do I try to hide behind? It's not too often we get Taylors in our lives who will just let it out without being asked and not caring what the response in return will be. I have no idea what is REALLY going on with someone unless I ask and take the time to listen. I want to be an asker, a listener, and be ready to hear and see the raw truth...the good and the bad.
1 Samuel 16:6-8
I realize this verse is talking about our own hearts and what they are like, but I am reminded of others too when I think of this verse. I realize so often that people look just fine on the outside, but we rarely know what hurts or celebrations they're having because we don't often take the time to really find out. It reminds me of a funny (well, now it's funny...at the time a little shocking and embarrassing!) story that happened a couple of years ago. (Taylor reminded me of this story when we were at John's last week. She loves to recall it and the absolute shock she produced for all parties involved!)
We were at John Kennedy's getting a pair of Taylor's eyes made...back in the days that we could get a new set in one full day. Taylor and I would have to pass the hours of time it would take for John to complete the eyes, so we had fun shopping, eating, having coffee...you know all the girlie things Moms and Daughters love to do together. There was just one problem. Taylor didn't have her prosthetic eyes in, so we would keep sunglasses on her at all times. From the outside, no one would really know what was going on behind the glasses. It honestly was a great coverup.
I was in the midst of ordering our Starbuck's concoctions with the very sweet, young, jovial gal when I hear Taylor say, "Can I show you something?" The woman's reply was cut short, and her smile turned to full-blown open mouth silence. I didn't even have to look down to see what was going on. I knew Taylor had taken off her sunglasses to show this lady what her open eye sockets looked like. I can't say I've been around too many people (OK, ANYone) who's had the same experience. I felt so awkward, embarrassed, shocked, and then nearly hysterical in laughter within a matter of seconds. It totally hit me that only Taylor could pull something like this off without missing a beat. She was truly proud of herself.
I wish I could say I recovered quickly or that the young woman recovered at all. I often wonder how she retold that story to people over time. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall in her house that night!
What I thought though was that we never know what's behind the outward appearance...and oh, how often I judge by the outside looks, smiles, clothes, everything! I also got to thinking about my coverups. What do I try to hide behind? It's not too often we get Taylors in our lives who will just let it out without being asked and not caring what the response in return will be. I have no idea what is REALLY going on with someone unless I ask and take the time to listen. I want to be an asker, a listener, and be ready to hear and see the raw truth...the good and the bad.
Refiner's Fire
"For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver."
Psalm 66:9-11
Every couple of years Taylor needs new prosthetic eyes. It used to be a heinous process of crying til she'd pass out, as I've said in the past. Now it's just a day out of our schedule and we walk out with a shiny new pair of blue eyes. Well, it's been that easy until this set of eyes. So far (and we're still going) we've made 5 visits to John to get this set just right. They aren't quite there yet. It's quite a job to get the pupils straight forward, the color matched perfectly, and the shapes to stay in place. We've finally got one eye just right, but the other keeps moving upward so Taylor gets really frustrated knowing they don't feel right. (At the moment, Taylor has one new eye in and one old one. It's pretty funny looking at her with mismatched eyes when John works so hard to get them to be exactly the same.)
This process of getting things perfectly lined up reminds me of how we are always in a refining process with the Lord. To the outside world, we may look just right, but we really know what's beyond the outward appearance and in our own hearts. Often times, I realize that is where and why I need the Lord every day. I may seem like everything is just fine, but there are struggles that rage within all the time. I am so thankful I can be honest with myself and ask God for strength to change those things so that I can be the REAL person He wants me to be and that I want to be.
There is a song called "Refiner's Fire." It says, "My heart's one desire is to be holy...set apart for you Lord. I want to be set apart and refined until that final day when I reflect the image of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Psalm 66:9-11
Every couple of years Taylor needs new prosthetic eyes. It used to be a heinous process of crying til she'd pass out, as I've said in the past. Now it's just a day out of our schedule and we walk out with a shiny new pair of blue eyes. Well, it's been that easy until this set of eyes. So far (and we're still going) we've made 5 visits to John to get this set just right. They aren't quite there yet. It's quite a job to get the pupils straight forward, the color matched perfectly, and the shapes to stay in place. We've finally got one eye just right, but the other keeps moving upward so Taylor gets really frustrated knowing they don't feel right. (At the moment, Taylor has one new eye in and one old one. It's pretty funny looking at her with mismatched eyes when John works so hard to get them to be exactly the same.)
This process of getting things perfectly lined up reminds me of how we are always in a refining process with the Lord. To the outside world, we may look just right, but we really know what's beyond the outward appearance and in our own hearts. Often times, I realize that is where and why I need the Lord every day. I may seem like everything is just fine, but there are struggles that rage within all the time. I am so thankful I can be honest with myself and ask God for strength to change those things so that I can be the REAL person He wants me to be and that I want to be.
There is a song called "Refiner's Fire." It says, "My heart's one desire is to be holy...set apart for you Lord. I want to be set apart and refined until that final day when I reflect the image of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Blind Leading the Blind
This post has 2 dates in mind...last Sunday and yesterday. Last Sunday, Taylor along with Lauren (her older sister), Maggie (her cousin), and Miss Tina (her vocal coach) gave a warm-up concert for their upcoming event at Grandpa's Art Gallery. While the music was spectacular, what was more endearing was Taylor's hostessing. Miss Tina happens to be blind as well, so Taylor felt at ease and took it upon herself to lead Miss Tina throughout Grandma and Grandpa's house. She also wanted to introduce each newcomer to Miss Tina throughout the entire evening. What a sense of importance Taylor felt while SHE got to lead Miss Tina around the house and navigate the many family members invited to the event.
The highlight came when they were just about to finish their repertoire of songs with "By Your Side," by Tenth Avenue North. Taylor held Miss Tina's hand and led her from her chair to her microphone. Taylor proudly announced, "Hey, it's the blind leading the blind!" We all hesitated for about 1/4 of a second while Tina and Taylor giggled which gave the rest of us the OK to laugh alongside them. It was so precious to see the natural bond between these two. Their bond has formed quickly, and I have had the privilege of learning from Tina (an independent 50-something-year-old woman) what some of Taylor's successes and challenges as an independent blind woman may be in the future.
Yesterday was a spectacular event indeed. Taylor participated in CaneQuest, a competition in which blind students show off their cane traveling skills. For the younger kiddos, they got to be the guide for some of these challenges. That meant I was blindfolded while Taylor led me for a change! What a learning experience for me! Last year, I participated in a blindfolded walk which was a life-changer for me indeed. This walk was another of those. I had joked around for the last few weeks knowing I'd be blindfolded and asked Taylor's mobility teacher, "Andy, should I wear a helmet? mouthguard? knee, elbow, or shin pads?" Taylor and I also joked each time I did something to upset her or accidentally bump her into an object. "Taylor, please don't use this against me on our CaneQuest," I would beg.
The challenge came. Taylor proudly took my hand and placed it on her elbow (proper guide technique). I squeezed pretty tightly as I held on to my 9-year-old blind daughter for dear life! (I felt a little better knowing there were lots of people watching to be sure we wouldn't run into too many obstacles or smash my head into something. (Notice, I wasn't even concerned about Taylor...great mom, huh? just kidding...I knew she'd be fine...) Anyway, what I noticed right away was how I dropped my head when the darkness came with the blindfold, how confident Taylor was, how I didn't care about all the other people but had to trust in my precious little girl, and how gentle she was with me.
Of course, I thought about Tina and Taylor...blind leading the blind. I knew my blindness was temporary and theirs their lifetime. I knew my head dropped immediately and thought about how much confidence I lost the second I couldn't see. It made me think of my confidence in the Lord My God! Each time I walk in His Light, I hold my head a little higher. When I find myself in those dark times, I lose confidence and my head is definitely a bit lowered. That's when I can look at His Words and find immense promises that slowly but surely lift my head. I also think about when my head is lifted toward the heavens, day or night, that is where God-given light is for us. He leads us daily by the light of the sun and the light of the stars. He is there, we just have to lift our heads.
Taylor, thank you for showing me how important it is to lift my head, trust in my Guide, and walk one step at a time in the Light.
The highlight came when they were just about to finish their repertoire of songs with "By Your Side," by Tenth Avenue North. Taylor held Miss Tina's hand and led her from her chair to her microphone. Taylor proudly announced, "Hey, it's the blind leading the blind!" We all hesitated for about 1/4 of a second while Tina and Taylor giggled which gave the rest of us the OK to laugh alongside them. It was so precious to see the natural bond between these two. Their bond has formed quickly, and I have had the privilege of learning from Tina (an independent 50-something-year-old woman) what some of Taylor's successes and challenges as an independent blind woman may be in the future.
Yesterday was a spectacular event indeed. Taylor participated in CaneQuest, a competition in which blind students show off their cane traveling skills. For the younger kiddos, they got to be the guide for some of these challenges. That meant I was blindfolded while Taylor led me for a change! What a learning experience for me! Last year, I participated in a blindfolded walk which was a life-changer for me indeed. This walk was another of those. I had joked around for the last few weeks knowing I'd be blindfolded and asked Taylor's mobility teacher, "Andy, should I wear a helmet? mouthguard? knee, elbow, or shin pads?" Taylor and I also joked each time I did something to upset her or accidentally bump her into an object. "Taylor, please don't use this against me on our CaneQuest," I would beg.
The challenge came. Taylor proudly took my hand and placed it on her elbow (proper guide technique). I squeezed pretty tightly as I held on to my 9-year-old blind daughter for dear life! (I felt a little better knowing there were lots of people watching to be sure we wouldn't run into too many obstacles or smash my head into something. (Notice, I wasn't even concerned about Taylor...great mom, huh? just kidding...I knew she'd be fine...) Anyway, what I noticed right away was how I dropped my head when the darkness came with the blindfold, how confident Taylor was, how I didn't care about all the other people but had to trust in my precious little girl, and how gentle she was with me.
Of course, I thought about Tina and Taylor...blind leading the blind. I knew my blindness was temporary and theirs their lifetime. I knew my head dropped immediately and thought about how much confidence I lost the second I couldn't see. It made me think of my confidence in the Lord My God! Each time I walk in His Light, I hold my head a little higher. When I find myself in those dark times, I lose confidence and my head is definitely a bit lowered. That's when I can look at His Words and find immense promises that slowly but surely lift my head. I also think about when my head is lifted toward the heavens, day or night, that is where God-given light is for us. He leads us daily by the light of the sun and the light of the stars. He is there, we just have to lift our heads.
Taylor, thank you for showing me how important it is to lift my head, trust in my Guide, and walk one step at a time in the Light.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Family in Florida
This past weekend I got to spend some time in Florida with some special relatives. There was a 60th surprise party for my awesome Aunt Kathy. I got to meet my cousin’s baby born in December (a month early who is growing like a weed!), see my 89-year-old Grandma (who was in rare form and showing off her flirty personality) and see my cousin Clay. This entry is really about my time with Clay.
Clay has always been one very special young man. He has lived with severe OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) his entire life. It’s taken a huge toll on the whole family and has shaped much of who Clay is. He’s an incredibly talented artist whose work displays an insider view of OCD and its effects on many aspects of his life. Aunt Kathy and I have bonded over these last nine years over what it’s like to have a child with life circumstances that didn’t quite meet our expectations, over the grief of watching your child suffer, over the triumphs our children have claimed, and the victories they’ve gained.
Two years ago, Clay was diagnosed with a form of colon cancer. To know Clay and to see how he’s battled this disease has been grueling, heart-breaking, and inspiring. He’s endured treatments, surgeries, and procedures that no one would imagine he’d be up for. He’s faced each one with determination and courage. He’s battled and triumphed over fear and has risen above each time. He’s not gotten encouraging news from the doctors, but that has not stopped him from going through painful steps to keep this disease at bay.
As I’ve watched Aunt Kathy and Clay these last 2 years, I have thought through so many things. Obviously, I am in awe of a mother caring for her son and a young man whose courage to overcome has overcome me with emotion. I may never understand why there is so much pain some people have to endure or why certain people seem to be hit so hard in this life. I won’t pretend to have answers though I do believe in a bigger plan I may not understand this side of heaven. I am thankful for relentlessly pursuing the hope of a perfect place in heaven where none of these dark days exist and none of these diseases endure.
Watching Clay’s battle has reminded me that Jesus came to earth knowing what He would endure. He knew the pain He would face when He walked the earth, yet He chose to go through it for us. Watching Aunt Kathy with Clay reminds me of Mary who watched her Son be spit upon, tortured, and crucified. I will always say if there were any other way to get to heaven, why would God have sent His one and only Son to go through this? Even Jesus asked for the cup to be spared from Him, yet not His will but His Father’s will be done. I am so grateful for the time I spent with my Florida family and for the constant reminders that the pain of this world is but a vapor compared with the perfection that awaits in heaven.
Clay has always been one very special young man. He has lived with severe OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) his entire life. It’s taken a huge toll on the whole family and has shaped much of who Clay is. He’s an incredibly talented artist whose work displays an insider view of OCD and its effects on many aspects of his life. Aunt Kathy and I have bonded over these last nine years over what it’s like to have a child with life circumstances that didn’t quite meet our expectations, over the grief of watching your child suffer, over the triumphs our children have claimed, and the victories they’ve gained.
Two years ago, Clay was diagnosed with a form of colon cancer. To know Clay and to see how he’s battled this disease has been grueling, heart-breaking, and inspiring. He’s endured treatments, surgeries, and procedures that no one would imagine he’d be up for. He’s faced each one with determination and courage. He’s battled and triumphed over fear and has risen above each time. He’s not gotten encouraging news from the doctors, but that has not stopped him from going through painful steps to keep this disease at bay.
As I’ve watched Aunt Kathy and Clay these last 2 years, I have thought through so many things. Obviously, I am in awe of a mother caring for her son and a young man whose courage to overcome has overcome me with emotion. I may never understand why there is so much pain some people have to endure or why certain people seem to be hit so hard in this life. I won’t pretend to have answers though I do believe in a bigger plan I may not understand this side of heaven. I am thankful for relentlessly pursuing the hope of a perfect place in heaven where none of these dark days exist and none of these diseases endure.
Watching Clay’s battle has reminded me that Jesus came to earth knowing what He would endure. He knew the pain He would face when He walked the earth, yet He chose to go through it for us. Watching Aunt Kathy with Clay reminds me of Mary who watched her Son be spit upon, tortured, and crucified. I will always say if there were any other way to get to heaven, why would God have sent His one and only Son to go through this? Even Jesus asked for the cup to be spared from Him, yet not His will but His Father’s will be done. I am so grateful for the time I spent with my Florida family and for the constant reminders that the pain of this world is but a vapor compared with the perfection that awaits in heaven.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Bucket List
This one is just for prosperity's sake. You'll see Taylor's sense of humor when you read the bucket list she put together with her Adaptive P.E. Teacher at lunch one day.
Taylor's Bucket List
Pet a Penguin
Skydive
Go to the Moon
Ride a Zebra
Have Children (2 boys/1 girl)
Have a Guide Dog (boy dog= Sammy girl dog= Sammy or Sugar)
Learn to play the Violin
Learn to Keyboard and Speak Spanish
Travel to crazy places like Arizona or the Rain Forest
Learn to Play Soccer
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Blackout
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."
On Valentine's Day-Night, about 7:45, we had a blackout. Apparently, a mylar balloon got stuck somewhere that blew a transformer. The girls were at church until we headed home into the eerie darkness at 8:15. We had been warned by friends from church, and the entire way home, I had some pretty scared kids. "Mom, I don't want it to be dark," from Lauren, and Taylor said, "I know I can't see the difference, but I'm pretty freaked out." We had a great opportunity to talk about all we take for granted with the electricity and prayed for those who don't have warm covers, a home, a radio to listen to at night, and lots of other luxuries that come with paid electric bills. We also thought about the hundreds of businesses that were losing tons of cash on the biggest restaurant night of the year.
We got home, and Mike had already lit the candles, set out flashlights, and started to think about when the lights would come on. We were getting texts from other people in the area who were more up-to-speed than we were. The girls were starting to adjust to the "fun" of using flashlights and candles when it was time to head up to bed. Lauren is already scared of the dark, so this just added fuel to her scare factor.
All of a sudden, Taylor blurts out, "Hey, I can lead you around the house everyone. Just follow me!" She bolted up the stairs and started clapping for us to hear and follow her. (She had no idea we were using our flashlights, but I am so thankful I could see the pride radiate from her face!) It was awesome to see her take charge and use her skills to lead us for a change. I was one proud Mom!
Then I started thinking. We take light for granted, of course we do. I also take for granted being able to read my Bible. It truly is a "lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." What happens if I ever lose that chance? I can hide those truths in my heart and learn and love and use them if I read and memorize them. I love reading the promises and truths (even the tough ones) and know that whenever I need a lift, an answer, an encouraging word, I can find it there from God Himself. I love that God's Word provides the true light for my path always.
On Valentine's Day-Night, about 7:45, we had a blackout. Apparently, a mylar balloon got stuck somewhere that blew a transformer. The girls were at church until we headed home into the eerie darkness at 8:15. We had been warned by friends from church, and the entire way home, I had some pretty scared kids. "Mom, I don't want it to be dark," from Lauren, and Taylor said, "I know I can't see the difference, but I'm pretty freaked out." We had a great opportunity to talk about all we take for granted with the electricity and prayed for those who don't have warm covers, a home, a radio to listen to at night, and lots of other luxuries that come with paid electric bills. We also thought about the hundreds of businesses that were losing tons of cash on the biggest restaurant night of the year.
We got home, and Mike had already lit the candles, set out flashlights, and started to think about when the lights would come on. We were getting texts from other people in the area who were more up-to-speed than we were. The girls were starting to adjust to the "fun" of using flashlights and candles when it was time to head up to bed. Lauren is already scared of the dark, so this just added fuel to her scare factor.
All of a sudden, Taylor blurts out, "Hey, I can lead you around the house everyone. Just follow me!" She bolted up the stairs and started clapping for us to hear and follow her. (She had no idea we were using our flashlights, but I am so thankful I could see the pride radiate from her face!) It was awesome to see her take charge and use her skills to lead us for a change. I was one proud Mom!
Then I started thinking. We take light for granted, of course we do. I also take for granted being able to read my Bible. It truly is a "lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." What happens if I ever lose that chance? I can hide those truths in my heart and learn and love and use them if I read and memorize them. I love reading the promises and truths (even the tough ones) and know that whenever I need a lift, an answer, an encouraging word, I can find it there from God Himself. I love that God's Word provides the true light for my path always.
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