I Will Walk by Faith

"We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7

Night time darkness always seemed to be toughest on me in those early weeks. It was quiet and pitch black, reminding me of the future in store for Taylor. I seemed to have the hardest time then dealing with the negative thoughts, oppressive thoughts, and dark emotions that I had never experienced before. There were fewer distractions at night like Lauren’s needs, doctors’ appointments, phones ringing, etc. to keep me from battling the negative flurries that would seep in. One of these such nights, I was nursing Taylor and the paralyzing thought occurred to me that she would never see her mommy. Taylor would never know what I looked like, would never know how excited I was to see her as soon as I stepped foot into a room (which actually might be a great thing NOW that I think about it!). As I pondered this HUGE idea, tears literally streamed down my face and onto Tay.

As I was silently sobbing over this “discovery,” a total God thought came to mind. Now, I never audibly hear "God" voices, but I know this thought was from the Lord Himself. It was as if He were whispering to me in that darkest of dark discoveries, “Kim, you have never seen me NOR heard me. You have never laid eyes on me, yet you know I am here for you every day. You wake up knowing I will carry you through today. Of course, your daughter will know you. Of course, she will know when you are in the room.” The tears of sadness turned to tears of joy knowing this was absolutely true and how I've lived my life. He knows we walk by faith each day knowing when we need to “hear” from Him, knowing when we need to “see” Him moving in our lives.

There is a song on the radio right now by Jeremy Camp. Some of the lyrics say, "I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see. Because this broken road prepares Your will for me." That is exactly what faith is...believing in what we cannot see. The road is broken for sure, but it has already been paved. I wake up every day trusting God will lead me. It isn't always the way I had hoped or imagined, but I do know I've put my trust in Him. We all live by faith of one form or another. We obviously can't foresee what is to come, but we move forward. I will walk by faith!