Off to the Ocularist

What is an ocularist? Why do we even know? (Spell checker doesn't even know!) Sometimes I wonder if I would ever have a clue what an ocularist was if it weren't for Taylor. I probably could have used my Latin/Greek root study sessions for the SAT to figure some of it out, but simply put...the ocularist in our lives is John Kennedy (not related to THE John Kennedy for clarification ;0)

John is the artist who gives Taylor her "look," literally. He is the man who has made Taylor's conformers and prosthetics for the last five years. We just saw him this week, and Taylor has her new look for the time being. It is always a LONG day, and I usually get pretty down the days before anticipating what's to come. It's always unknown, but one thing is known. It's a bit painful for Tay and is extremely long and uncomfortable for both of us.

This time, we took Taylor's eyes out after about an hour. The shock never fades when her eyes first come out. I have to catch my breath, choke back tears, get my composure, and understand fully what this life of ours is. It really is like looking at someone/something else. I know it's Taylor, but I forget just what the real her looks like. Some of our family has seen Taylor without her eyes, but it really is more than most of us can take. Her fake eyes make her socially acceptable and have actually "faked" a bunch of people out!

(One of the moms from preschool who has known Taylor for over 2 years now was in shock last week when I told her about seeing the ocularist. She actually asked me why we had to see such a person. When I told her Taylor was born without eyes, she literally couldn't believe Taylor's eyes were fake. How different from the days when her prosthetics would move all out of place or would fall out. I'd just tell the babysitter or whoever else was with her to "put her eye in a baggie and I'll put it back in when we get back.")

So back to Monday, we finally got Tay's eyes out after hearing the whimpering, "Mommy, please don't," over and over and forcing back the lump in my throat as well as the tears that threatened to fall right over her precious face. Taylor and I headed out while John painted on the new irises (choosing a light blue to match Lauren's eyes) and guessed for pupil placement. We had such a good time enjoying every drive-thru we could find to pass time. We found McDonald's first and had a picnic in the car, Starbuck's next for me, filled the gas tank, and headed back to Eye Design Ocular Prosthetics.

John wasn't quite ready for us as Taylor's eyes weren't totally completed, so we went back out and put my sunglasses on Taylor's face. Then we were able to roam and do a little side shopping without completely stunning people in public! I had asked my prayer groups to pray over the day. When we finally were able to get started putting Tay's freshly painted eyes in, I watched God fully answer my prayers and the prayers that covered my hands as Taylor's new eyes went into their sockets on my first attempt. Yes, I get the honor of guiding those suckers in. (Again, not something you read about in What to Expect...or a Mom's Guide to Anything!) Taylor's new eyes aren't perfectly positioned, and we'll have to be back again in a few months, but to see my little girl "complete" again is something for which I am forever grateful.