Crashing the Chatterbox

     Lauren's new softball team is meeting up with a different level of play, and a couple weeks ago we had a tournament.  Lauren has worked so so hard these last couple months...practicing 5-7 days a week at HER request!   Mike's been taking her to the cages at least 3 days a week, again at her request.  We have been blown away by her dedication. 
     It was all put on the line when she got up to bat.  She had a few at-bats...one grounder for a hit, a caught fly ball to right field, and two...yes two...strikeouts on check swing called third strikes.  The crazy thing is, she's never in 8 years and about 12 softball seasons had these check swings.  She might swing and strike out, but she goes for it with gusto!  Lauren was furious with herself.
     At the end of this game with two called check-swing strikeouts, we got in the car and the flood gates burst with tears.  She was so angry with herself.  She was angry that she could get "caught" like that not once, but twice.  We had a great conversation and are looking forward to another chance this weekend.
      I thought so much about those words, "Twice, Mom?  Really?  How could I do that twice?"  How many times do I ask myself the same thing, but it's more like this, "I did it again?  How can I do that same thing again?  I just went over it and promised myself I wouldn't do it." 
      What is your again?  So often for me, it's not losing my cool at homework time or over rushing out the door, or getting pulled into the gossip or letting the house get out of control again, or far more serious like saying the wrong thing at the wrong time that I just can't take back and will stick in my girls' or students' hearts.  Those things cause negative self talk like crazy and cause havoc in my heart.  I know in my heart to give these frustrations and failures over to God and let Him change me from the inside, but I get stubborn and think I can fix it.  He loves when we give it up because He changes us and then He gets the glory where it's due. 
    There's a great book I've read called, Crash the Chatterbox by Steven Furtick.  It's so great about letting the Lord speak truth into our lives when we're doing nothing but running a marathon of negativity in our brains.  I love that I can be striking out nonstop, but God sees me as a homerun hitter on His team!