" 'Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.' " Joshua 1:9
The first month meant a doctor’s appointment (or two) every single day. Terms like, “ocularist (which the computer always thinks I’ve spelled wrong), developmental pediatrician, occupational therapy, physical therapy (therapy of every kind it seemed!) and surgeon, surgery, CCS, tactile defensiveness, conformers” became our new world. Depression, guilt, and fear seemed to be new encounters for me as I tried to make sense of a “new” life, MY new life.
Really what it meant was grieving the loss of the dreams Mike and I had for our family. It's a feeling I know many others have shared with me once they've experienced a loss of some kind. People asked how we moved on, but to me it felt more like starting over.
While no one could ever have prepared me for the road I would now be on, no one could have prepared me for the outpouring of love our family would receive. It really is easier to give than receive, but there are times in your life when you really must receive if you want to live. The blessings came in all kinds of packages: prayers, meals, cards, phone calls, e-mails, babysitters for Lauren, gifts, flowers...you name it. It came in the form of God, family and friends! Believe me, while the road feels lonely at times, we have always known we are not alone.
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2 comments:
Kim, I'm so proud of you for starting this blog! You are learning very quickly! Your story and the way you tell it is nothing short of incredible. Anyway, this post made me think of that poem I wrote about all the good that surprisingly surfaced early on after Taylor was born. Here it is, in case you want to read it again...
It was March 28th
And nine months had passed
She would finally arrive
Taylor Danielle Cox at last
13 aunts and uncles
4 grandparents to be
Countless more friends
Would wait impatiently
Her parents, Kim and Mike
Overflowing with love,
Would never expect
What they'd receive from above
Hundreds of phone calls
An update each minute
Ongoing chaos
Filled the hospital's unit
For hours Kim pushed
Every second Mike helped
Nurses remained poised
With each pain that Kim felt
Finally the time came
A miracle would occur
A baby girl would be born
Emotions would stir
Surprise and amazement
Disbelief and content
Overpowering love
All from one miracle sent
Taylor was born
The tests had been run
They all came out fine
All except one
Just after her birth
And sighs of relief
A nurse discovered something
And only felt disbelief
She tried and tried harder
To check Taylor's eyes
But her eyelids were shut
To act as a disguise
Long moments later
There were more and more tests
Taylor's family was praying
Asking God for the best
The nurse then returned
With tears huge in size
"The tests are now clear,
Taylor doesn't have eyes."
All the hearts in the room
Completely sank on the spot
"Why did God do this?"
Was soon the same thought
Phone call after phone call
Tear after tear
Heartache after heartache
Fear after fear
"How could this happen?"
"The ultrasounds were fine!"
"What did we do wrong?"
"Why is MY baby blind?"
"Why are we being punished?"
"What did our family do?"
"We don't deserve this!"
"God, how could you?"
These thoughts had been thought
By Kim and Mike several times
These two are great people
So,why have them pay these fines?
Only a week had passed
And there were flowers galore
Emails, prayers, cards
And love in downpour
Many friends had checked up
More relatives would come visit
Kim and Mike then began
To feel a strong spirit
Then more time had passed
Sunken hearts would now lift
Maybe this baby
Is God's special gift
Maybe that spirit
Was a gift from above
Maybe baby Taylor
Is a different kind of love
Maybe she was born
Into a family so great
Because maybe this type of care
Was this baby's fate
Now more time was passed
More thoughts had been thought
But luck, love and joy
Were the lessons God taught
No longer did Taylor
Cause tears of pain
She showed our whole family
God wasn't to blame
She's now a year old
And we're all stronger beings
We're closer together
And have continued believing
She can't even speak
But we've all learned so much
She's incredibly inspiring
And shows a miracle's touch
She'll always be blind
And we'll always see
The way she's affected
Our adapted family
She could have been born
To a mom in despair
But her parents will offer
Never-ending care
She's not a punishment
Or a message of hate
She's proof of His trust
In a family so great
Times are still hard
Some tears are still cried
But love and great thanks
Overpower inside
Take nothing for granted
Take in all of life
See all you can
Optimize all your strife
These are few of the many
Lessons we've learned
From our blind baby Taylor-
A gift we have earned
-Aunt Sarah E. Hudson
May 11, 2004
Sarah this is a beautiful poem I have alway felt the love your family has shared thru Kim. It was wonderful to see "our gift" thru your eyes. Taylor is a gift from God and we are all Blessed to be part of her life.
stacy
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