Make the Call

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Our house yesterday afternoon... four families...6 adults and 7 children...five kids are blind or visually impaired. After having our phone number in their hands for two full years, the connections finally happened. Two of these families had heard about Taylor and our family, had received our phone number, and never quite got around to making the call. The other family had heard of Taylor for over a year as well. How often do we have the number but don't make the call...to God or to those who puts around us?

One exchange yesterday went something like this, "Did you have a lot of trouble keeping track of your son's glasses when he was younger? We could never keep just one pair."

"Oh, for sure. We were always checking to make sure he had them on, or we'd find them in the weirdest places!"

I just had to interject..."Mike and I had similar problems with Taylor, only we weren't checking for glasses, we were making sure she still had both her eyes. Sometimes we'd have to search her crib, the floor to find the one that fell out at night."

We all had a great chuckle and so broke the ice for the first of many future get-togethers. God is so great to give us the right encouragers at just the right time. Sometimes the connections are instantaneous, and others need some nurturing. Our relationship with the Lord is one that is just like our person-to-person relationships. Sometimes it's humorous. Sometimes it's tough and feels a bit distant. Sometimes it's the closest one we've got. All the time, He's got us...do we have Him?

I Will Walk by Faith

"We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7

Night time darkness always seemed to be toughest on me in those early weeks. It was quiet and pitch black, reminding me of the future in store for Taylor. I seemed to have the hardest time then dealing with the negative thoughts, oppressive thoughts, and dark emotions that I had never experienced before. There were fewer distractions at night like Lauren’s needs, doctors’ appointments, phones ringing, etc. to keep me from battling the negative flurries that would seep in. One of these such nights, I was nursing Taylor and the paralyzing thought occurred to me that she would never see her mommy. Taylor would never know what I looked like, would never know how excited I was to see her as soon as I stepped foot into a room (which actually might be a great thing NOW that I think about it!). As I pondered this HUGE idea, tears literally streamed down my face and onto Tay.

As I was silently sobbing over this “discovery,” a total God thought came to mind. Now, I never audibly hear "God" voices, but I know this thought was from the Lord Himself. It was as if He were whispering to me in that darkest of dark discoveries, “Kim, you have never seen me NOR heard me. You have never laid eyes on me, yet you know I am here for you every day. You wake up knowing I will carry you through today. Of course, your daughter will know you. Of course, she will know when you are in the room.” The tears of sadness turned to tears of joy knowing this was absolutely true and how I've lived my life. He knows we walk by faith each day knowing when we need to “hear” from Him, knowing when we need to “see” Him moving in our lives.

There is a song on the radio right now by Jeremy Camp. Some of the lyrics say, "I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see. Because this broken road prepares Your will for me." That is exactly what faith is...believing in what we cannot see. The road is broken for sure, but it has already been paved. I wake up every day trusting God will lead me. It isn't always the way I had hoped or imagined, but I do know I've put my trust in Him. We all live by faith of one form or another. We obviously can't foresee what is to come, but we move forward. I will walk by faith!

Reborn

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

Just as Taylor resisted so firmly making her way into the world, I wonder how many of us are resisting taking steps into a new life with Christ or really allowing Him to lead us where we aren't comfortable. I really thought Taylor would be leaving the comfortable, dark cocoon of my womb and entering into the bright light and excitement of this world. We have a choice… we CAN leave spiritual darkness and be “born” into a new life…a life lighted by the light of Jesus Christ. He is a light that shines brightly in this world. His is a light that carries many through the darkest times. He wants you to trust Him to leave where we’re comfortable and take the chance.

Does it mean all is perfect and problem-free? Ummm...absolutely NOT! But, God wants us to have a relationship with Him and let Him lead us. (That's a tough one to swallow sometimes, well, a lot of the time.) Will everything make sense right away? Of course not, but thankfully, we have time here on earth to figure some of it out.

I often thought there would be other ways to heaven, but if there were, why would God send His only Son to earth from heaven where all is perfect? Not only that, why would God send His only Son knowing that Jesus would be mocked, ridiculed, and put to death? After becoming a Mom, I realized even more so, there could be no other way that a Father would allow His Son to go through such things if there were any other answer. God did that for you and for me. Take a chance, make a choice. Research...God gave us intelligent minds to figure things out for ourselves. He wants you to want Him. He already loves you!

I never imagined Taylor being born into a world of complete darkness. I thought she’d be leaving the darkness as soon as she was born. But let me tell you of the light she brings forth. I realize she may live in the dark but she walks in the Light!

Blind Faith

" 'One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!' " John 9:25

“Blind faith.” Now that phrase has a whole new meaning in my life!!! Faith is believing in that which you cannot see. Taylor believes and has faith that everyone willing to help her out is really going to do just that. Even when I fail her, when she bumps into something or trips over a roadblock or a crack in the sidewalk…or one of the millions of toys on the floor...she picks herself up and has faith again that I (or whoever else is helping her) will keep leading her. The difference is, the Lord will NEVER cause us to bump or fall. He is right there to pick us up when we do, and He will guide us every step of the way. It is up to us to take His hand and let Him lead the way. May my faith in the Lord my God be ever so strong that I pick myself back up off the ground, shake off the dirt, and trust Him again.

When I prayed to God for a miracle the day after Taylor was born, I prayed she would have sight. I prayed God would enable her to see. Now, five years later, I see the miracle answered differently than I could ever have anticipated. He didn’t give Taylor new eyes to see, but He did give me new vision and a new perspective through which to see. The miracle is how clearly I can see His hand in all of this. The real miracle is that He opened MY eyes to see the world in a different light.

Coincidences???

"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid." Hebrews 13:6

There were so many coincidental occurences those first few days. I've already shared that the Labor and Delivery nurse was a friend's sister-in-law. She was an anchor for me throughout the day. She came to my room to give me a loving embrace and held me for a long time LONG after her shift had ended. Her warmth has never been forgotten. Monica, the NICU nurse called over to Taylor when the drops weren't happening, has long been a friend of Mike's family through church. Another nurse was related to two students in my sixth grade classroom. (I get to teach part-time in Garden Grove School District and still do, thankfully!) The pediatrician on-call happened to have worked with blind children during her teen years in India. Dr. Tandon continues to be a wealth of knowledge for our family! Half the Hudson family was in Florida together, and the other half was in California. (Now, that's crazy to think about given the fact that I am the oldest of eight kids and at NO other time had the four been together in Florida.) The doctors and nurses, the support staff, and our support team each shared our "new life" in their own way. The journey had begun.

Mike and I had our first "get away" without children in that hospital room that night. What a way to spend your first night without children! (And even then, Taylor was brought in every couple of hours!) It was devastating to say the least and nothing like we had planned. I looked in the mirror at one point and truly didn't recognize the woman in the reflection. My eyes were swollen like golfballs, and I had aged ten years in two hours. It was a perfect reflection of how I was feeling on the inside though. I had never understood depression before, but I can honestly say that I felt like the woman in that mirror for a long time though I didn't look quite like that on the outside...Thank Goodness!!!

The best moment was when Lauren came to visit us in the hospital. I felt a wave of relief seeing her huge smile and beaming glow. She jumped right up on the bed next to me. Her comfort was so pure. She had no idea of what was going on except that she was a big sister and got to see Taylor and Mommy. Aaahh, the innocence of babes!

It’s only been five years, but it truly feels like a lifetime ago. So often people want to know how we found out, if we knew before Taylor was born that she would be blind, what it was like to learn the truth of her blindness. So there it is. It was definitely a shock to say the least! Now it’s time to focus on the great gifts I’ve learned because of the life we’ve been given with Taylor.